“Never Again”  --  How Men Can Help Make It Come True

The White Ribbon Campaign of Vermont joins with other Vermonters in expressing our grief and sadness over the death of Brooke Bennett.  As a community, we can work together to end violence against women and girls.  We believe that men have an essential responsibility in helping to achieve this.   

For too long, the burden of responsibility for men’s violence against women has been disproportionately placed on girls and women.   From an early age, girls are taught how to protect themselves and not make the wrong choices.  For decades, women have created and run the hotlines and shelters for women and children seeking help in response to men’s violence.  Girls and women continue to be sexually assaulted and physically and emotionally abused by men.  While we need to examine state laws and policies, we need to look beyond punishment and deterrence.  Men are responsible for the majority of sexual assaults and domestic violence in our state (take a look at the statewide sexual and domestic violence statistics), and men need to be a major part of the solution to end it. 

Most men are not violent. But most men are silent about men’s violence against women. It’s not that we don’t care about our wives, mothers, daughters, and sisters. We do.  But we need to take an active, vocal and constructive role in teaching our sons, at an early age, to respect girls and women and that anything short of that is unacceptable.  Brooke Bennett's death is a call to action to Vermont men for greater involvement in ending men's violence against women.  We have some ideas about how we can get started.

First, make a personal pledge never to commit, condone nor remain silent about violence against women. 

Second, talk to one other man or boy about your pledge.  Recruit them as another ally in ending violence against women.  And the next time you are with a group of men and someone is telling a dirty or sexist joke about “girls,” say something. “I don’t like hearing that. That joke could be about my daughter, or my mother, or my wife.”  

Third, become an ally with your local schools. Make it clear to teachers, coaches, principals and others that as men, as fathers, you believe sexual and domestic violence prevention needs to be part of student education and professional training.  For instance, what is the Vermont consent law?  What are the effects of domestic violence on teens and children?  What does an abusive teen dating relationship look like?  Form a group of fathers and go to school officials and let them know you support these efforts, and tell them about your commitment as a parent to talk about these issues, too.  Addressing the culture of violence is the single best thing our community can do to create the generational change that will help make what the pastor at the Brooke Bennett memorial service said, “Never again,” come true.  

Finally, a word about language.  In covering the Brooke Bennett murder, some media have described  adult men “having sex”  or “sexual relations” with girls.  It is neither.  It is “rape,” it is “child sexual abuse.” Let’s call it what it is.      

 There are many other things men can do.  Our website (www.whiteribbonvt.org) has a list of them.  Men can support our local shelters and hotlines (www.vtnetwork.org).  Men can make it clear that girls and women are not sexual objects, and we won’t accept those media messages anymore.  Reject degrading and repressive images of women and girls in our movies, television shows, advertising, video games, the porn industry, and in media that fosters violence and abuse against women and promotes the sexualization of young girls.  Men can become substantial agents for change if we stop being reactive, and come together to sustain our united voice against men’s violence against women.

Stephen McArthur (Cell – 802-839-0371) & Ron Redmond (Cell – 802=238-5598)

Co-Chairs, White Ribbon Campaign of Vermont

info@whiteribbonvt.org – fsmcarthur@comcast.net -  rredmond@verizon.net